BUT what America doesn’t realize is that a far greater percentage of the population is married and divorced than officially declared. But who? And where?
It’s you, and it’s in your mind. Every time a girl sees an attractive guy from afar, her mind immediately marries him, just as a tester. Within the next few hours, the girl develops his complete wonderful personality solely inside her imagination.
Now, let’s avoid a Nature vs. Nurture debate and just say that every girl does it. I’d even state that 99.9%, no 100% of girls have at one time or all times been, what hilarious comedienne, Emma Field Rayner officially terms, MIND MARRIED.
1 a: being in the state of matrimony : wedded b: of or relating to marriage
1 mind married
Function: noun
Date: 300 B.C.
1 a: being in the state of matrimony only in your MIND, without the other person knowing.
2 a: note that the husband and wife in this marriage do not know each other at all or have not met any more than a small introduction. Most importantly, it is only imagined by one person in the marriage, the wife.
Don't go this far. It's only in your mind.
During a Mind Marriage, you often imagine your “husband” as an incredible person who is everything you ever dreamed, BUT once you actually get to know your “husband” in real life, you realize they lack either half or all of the personality/qualities you created in your mind. This leads to what Field-Rayner, refers to as MIND DIVORCE.
1 mind divorce
Function: noun
1. a: The process of divorcing a man you are only married to in your mind, because when you actually got to know him, he’s not who he was in your mind at all! (How dare him.)
Great things about Mind Divorces:
Confrontation free
No lawyer necessary
Get to keep the Mind Children
You get to keep the village in Africa you imaginary adopted!
Bad things about Mind Divorces:
No multi-million dollar settlement
No one to obsess over
Finding a new Mind Marriage
Depending on the girl and timing, finding a new Mind Marriage can take years or a day. Personally, I form many mind marriages a month, but certain ones last longer than others.
Q: Can you continue a Mind Marriage after you realize you want a Mind Divorce?
A: Absolutely, but it will never be as fulfilling. Sometimes I hold on to a mind marriage after divorce only because the person I created in my mind is worth keeping around.
Q: But what if a girl and a guy both consider each other in a mind marriage but don’t know it? Do the Gods come down and create automatic real marriage?
A: Nope. This situation never exists because I don’t think guys have mind marriages. If both people like each other and express that, I think it’s called the beginning stages of dating.
Q: Should I try to get to know my Mind Marriage in the real world?
A: Sure. There is a one in a million chance they are great, but be willing to find a new one if you encounter the Mind Marriage paradox. Is it stupid? Who cares? Girls are absurd!
7 comments:
What about Mind Polygamy?
oh goodness!!!! SO funny! can we take a poll and see if guys do this?!?!?!
Sometimes I have panic attacks because I think to myself how virtually everyone I graduated with at SHS is married, except for me. This, however, has really helped remind me that I too can marry (and divorce) whilst still young and attractive...as many times as I want. Suck on that class of 01!
THIS. THIS is AMAZING. And so true it hurts! Baha!
Hilarious!
Awesome. Definitely done it.
I am on a call for work and literally laughed into the phone and had to cover my mouth. The part about someone wanting to set me up, described them in a flattering way, and consequently stalked them on facebook for a few days rings a bell.
Well it's nice to know it's not just me. :)
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